Numbness, they say, is an absence of feeling
yet I think it’s an absolute overpowering
like chaos within an external immobilizing
or deafening screams of a mouth. not. disclosing.

Maybe numbness is rationally not recognizing
what we uncontrollably have been feeling
or perhaps a conscious shift of expressing
from crying to yelling. to. actually. breaking.

Numbness is a facade we keep on fabricating
inconsistent to the emotions we are suppressing;
or maybe we ourselves are incapable of identifying
these unruly thoughts we had. long. been. hiding.

How can the ability to feel get tiring
and tiring turn to anesthetizing
what the heart has been demanding
kept secret inside a body. that. stopped. moving.

How I wish the state of being numb really existed
because the truth is, I’m exhausted
of the rage that cannot be defeated
or the love that can never. be. retreated.

And so for some sort of timing, I waited
to finally shout these words I collected.
Maybe it’s better to admit we’re affected?
Yet we cling to the momentary relief of being. numb. instead.


The Art of Knowing (or lack thereof)

There are things we know
and things we don’t.

There are things we didn’t know
but should have known.
Then again there are those we did,
but regret knowing.

Then there are some we wished they knew
but we just, can’t let them know;
Or maybe, there was a chance that we simply
didn’t use,
or didn’t choose,
to make, whatever this is, known.

Then consequently knowing how they think, after looking like we LACKED knowing, only made us want to hide deep in the know, and sink.


I know you know that they should know:
WE DO KNOW. Not everything, no.
Just mostly things, of showing we

either cannot, or forgot, or what not.



We only owe to ourselves THAT amount of knowledge and peace that WE CAN,
on those times we thought we knew,
but just wasn’t sure enough
that we could.

This is when the RIGHT LOVE will come. 

We all have loved and lost… but only some are able to love again. Sometimes, the universe has been letting ‘the one’ walk by our doors on random mornings, yet there you are – either stuck looking back or afraid to look forward.

This is when, I think, the right love will come. 

Bible says, “Love is patient.” And I think love comes, also to the patient. Because there is this kind that comes slowly; yes, unknowingly but naturally.

This is the kind of love that you don’t chase, no, not anymore. In fact, this is the one that you need not go out of your way. This might even be the one that will stay.

But don’t just sit nor hide and wait. Don’t even hasten. It will never be too early nor too late for love to happen. But try though, to make it happen.

No you don’t need to do those toxic efforts just to force someone into your life. Love is effortless. Your actions towards others should be effortless. But, where you’ll need to put effort to, is upon yourself.

Instead of planning your next date, PLAN your next goal first. Instead of spending for concert tickets with your crush, SPEND some time to apply for that dream job. And instead of earning for that gift for Valentine’s, EARN your family’s trust that you can, slowly but surely, be able to live independently.

Sooner or later, God will know when you’re settled. God will know when you can commit. God will give you that gift of love, after you have taken care of yourself dearly; because only until then will you be capable of taking care of another human being. 

I hope this will be the last time that you question yourself if the problem why it never worked out with your past relationships, is within you.

It did not work, because it’s not yet him. It’s not yet her. But more than those, maybe, you’re not yet THE YOU who’s ready.

And when you feel that you already are, wait a little more because the one for you is getting ready too.

Love is patient.

Be patient.

It will come, soon.

6-year Undergrad, Underestimated

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Sa mga delayed, shifter, irreg, actually sa kahit sinong estudyante, para sa inyo to.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a success story. It’s actually about failing.. failing to give up.

This won’t be the usual “In my 4 years in UST” etc. Maiba tayo. Naka 6 years ako eh.

Kung makakausap ko lang ang sarili ko 3 years ago, sa semester na sukong suko na ako, aking ibubulong:

Bagsak ka, pero ‘di ka bobo.

Preso ka, ‘di ng mapanghusgang mundo, kundi ng mababang tingin mo sa sarili mo.

Pero ‘di kita masisisi. ‘Yan din marahil ang pinaramdam sayo ng sistemang hawak ka sa leeg. ‘Di ka makawala. ‘Di pa. Natagalan pa.

Na-delay ka.

Pinanghinaan. Kinwestyon ang kakayahan. Angking talino ay nakalimutan.

Nanakawan ng kinabukasan. Naubusan ng pangarap. Naligaw na nang dahan-dahan.

Kaya mo ‘yan.

Susuportahan ka ng dati mong batchmates.
Tatanggapin ka ng mga bago mong kaklase.

Kaya mo ‘yan.

Gaganahan ka ulit mag-aral.
Babawiin mo ang nawala.


‘Wag natin kalimutan ang mga ate sa front desk na ‘di ka inasikaso, mga propesor na pinagmakaawaan mo at ang mga insensitibong taong nagpahiya sayo.


Pero higit sa lahat, ang dapat mo talagang unang pasalamatan ay walang iba kundi ang SARILI MO.

Dahil good news, graduate na ako. Salamat, ‘di ka sumuko.

Nakakainip. Pero sa dulo, ‘di na kung ilang taon sa college ang bibilangin eh. Matanong nga kita,

Ilang pagsubok na ang iyong kinaya? Ilang tao sa buhay mo ang di ka sinukuan, di ka iniwanan habang nasa ilalim ka? At sa bawat gabi na humagulhol ka, ilang umaga ang bumangon kang puno ng pag-asa?

Sa mata ni Lord, walang bilangan.

Sabi nga ng tropa ko, ‘Hindi ka man grumaduate on time, at least, in time.

Konti pang tiis.
Konti pang hintay.
Tuloy ang buhay.”

Czesca Angelica P. dela Rama
University of Santo Tomas
BS Electronics Engineering ’11-’14
BSBA Business Economics ’14-’17
Dapat Batch 2016. Naging Batch 2017.

I LOVE you & I love YOU: Listen to this difference

Here’s a perspective: In a relationship, you are in either one of two stages. Hear me out because this distinction might be important.

The initial stage “I LOVE you” is when you’re in love with the FEELING of being in love. And the lasting (yes, not ‘last’) stage “I love YOU” is when, finally, it’s the PERSON you’re in love with.

Yes it’s possible to be in love while not yet actually being in love with your partner. To make it clear, this stage is NOT wrong. It’s even quite automatic to go through this.

The initial stage does not have a period. This can go on through the first week, the first three months, or maybe even the first year. The relationship can also end here.

This is when you tell yourself you love him because he makes you laugh or fetches you on a late night or literally aligns with your trail of thought.This is when you stargaze together but instead see more sparkle in each other’s eyes. *cheesy wink wink

Maybe, you said “yes” on that day you got mesmerized by that tantalizing stare and his genuine smile when he asked the question. And hey, that’s love right there! It may be true, but it might not last – the love for the feeling of being in love. 

Oh sure you can argue with me that hey, it’s because you got to know him or you saw something different in him – that’s why you said the magic word.

Admit it. You fall for someone because he lightens up your day. Sounds self-benefitting, yes?

Then eventually, the sun sets. The sky gets cloudy. Relationships get shaky. Because fact is, feelings fade.

So let me ask you this: Have you been with him through his darker days? 

Had there been times you were on a good mood while he wasn’t and you basically had to put up through the bad vibe?

Had the dull days come when he just got less creative of his surprises and sent shorter than usual text messages?

Or had you ever angered him and ended up hearing words you never imagined he was capable of saying to you? 

Yes there are those and so much more you didn’t sign up for. But hey, let me ask you again.

Did you turn that vibe around and stayed anyway? Did you instead appreciate the simpler things he continued doing? And when he offended you, did you forgive him?

Well then, you must be in the lasting stage: it’s the person, and not the feeling, that you’re in love with.

I call it ‘lasting’ because this is when it’s enough to fix anything. Worse fights will happen. Unnecessary people will interfere. And there will be mornings when you guys will just get less excited of seeing each other.

Someday you’ll forget how fresh and thrilling love feels like. But even after all those bad days, everything goes back to the person who made you feel. And after a while, that bad day will pass. Today let me assure you, it will.

So try to think again: What builds your happiness? Is it him merely making you happy or is it more because you’re making him happy? The latter is selflessness. That is love.

Note that excitement is temporary. Real love is permanent. It does not come in percentage, it’s just either there or it isn’t. 

Because when the time comes that your relationship is the one that’s burning even on the most silent of nights, that’s when it’s worth keeping. 


Love not just the feeling. And when it’s a blur, please, remind yourself to continue loving the person anyway.


Maganda naman ako ah?
Iiwan mo raw ako, sabi nila!
Eh ang tagal na kaya nating live-in.


Pangit na ba ang bahay? Kulang ba ang pagkain?
Dinadaya ba tayo ni Manang sa singil ng renta?

Sige na.

Mangungutang na ako – wag ka lang umalis.
Pinturahan natin ang dingding, walisin natin ang sahig…
Ayos lang ba, tulungan tayo?


Ayan nakatingin ka na naman sa iba!
Sagutin mo nga, kailan ka ba huling nagandahan sakin?

– Pilipinas 

If I’m rich, which should I buy first – new phone or new life?

2016 was when I struggled the most between being caged and breaking free. The reason? I’m bound by living in the shadow of MONEY, I think we all are.

But it’s inevitable , you see. We are all victims of consumerism  – the belief that it is good for people to spend a lot of money on goods and services. So no matter how much I felt the need to stand by my own ground and decide for myself, I could not because I am not yet a tax-paying income earner. But even those who already are find themselves to be prisoners of dissatisfaction because the truth is, we can never have enough. Reality check, my dear friends – life is a price we have to pay.

Hands down to people who have found self-actualization and contentment in living by the principle: The best things in life are free. But you see, the world is NOT free; we are caged by its selfishness of offering even those we should naturally be receiving – education, home and even love – in exchange for hard-earned cash. This is why people can’t even afford to be truly happy.

What to do about it? This article is not to sugarcoat these bitter facts; because the truth is WE DO NEED MONEY. 2017 should be the year we change our mindset, especially on expense management.  Financial literacy should be the one that’s going viral over the net. Since it isn’t, start with yourself and find a way to improve your spending habits. Personal advice, INVEST on the right pockets.

As for me, I do not wish to get rich to afford a new phone or an epic car – though I’m not crossing them off my list. On the short term, I wish to afford independence and free will to avail a few decisions. Seeking approval is a price too high that doesn’t even let a person actually live his own life.

Dear Stranger

There were neither butterflies nor sparkle when you walked by. But you had a lot of prim, and that caught my attention. Then you started the conversation. Oh you never flirted, no ostensible hints of any kind. You simply got me with your storytelling.

After a few laughs over dinner, it just felt easier. You were no longer a stranger, I guess. Though it was a bit scary, you know why? Because the stranger to me now, was THIS feeling.

I wasn’t ready to love again just yet. But you taught me not to prepare. Instead you said as long as we both wanted to date some more, we simply had to see what happens from there. There was none much we knew about each other. But we gave curiosity a chance, and leeway to familiarize, so I stayed a little more while.

Then, dear stranger, love did happen. And I figured it doesn’t always come in glitter or magic. For the record, it unfolds with COURAGE to ask – from What’s your name? When are you free? Where should I pick you up? To questioning the reason of why anyone should ever try love… Why not?

On Church-goers

While we respect those who don’t go to church, we also can’t judge those who do.

I go to church every week. And speaking for some, it’s NOT a religion requirement.

It’s a float from drowning
a stretch from coiling
a pull from repelling
And most importantly,
a hush from crying…

Because for every day in a week, we all break a little. And somehow, even just for a day, we wish it would ALL go away.

To me, that happens every Sunday.

Create a website or blog at

Up ↑