Here’s a perspective: In a relationship, you are in either one of two stages. Hear me out because this distinction might be important.
The initial stage “I LOVE you” is when you’re in love with the FEELING of being in love. And the lasting (yes, not ‘last’) stage “I love YOU” is when, finally, it’s the PERSON you’re in love with.
Yes it’s possible to be in love while not yet actually being in love with your partner. To make it clear, this stage is NOT wrong. It’s even quite automatic to go through this.
The initial stage does not have a period. This can go on through the first week, the first three months, or maybe even the first year. The relationship can also end here.
This is when you tell yourself you love him because he makes you laugh or fetches you on a late night or literally aligns with your trail of thought.This is when you stargaze together but instead see more sparkle in each other’s eyes. *cheesy wink wink
Maybe, you said “yes” on that day you got mesmerized by that tantalizing stare and his genuine smile when he asked the question. And hey, that’s love right there! It may be true, but it might not last – the love for the feeling of being in love.
Oh sure you can argue with me that hey, it’s because you got to know him or you saw something different in him – that’s why you said the magic word.
Admit it. You fall for someone because he lightens up your day. Sounds self-benefitting, yes?
Then eventually, the sun sets. The sky gets cloudy. Relationships get shaky. Because fact is, feelings fade.
So let me ask you this: Have you been with him through his darker days?
Had there been times you were on a good mood while he wasn’t and you basically had to put up through the bad vibe?
Had the dull days come when he just got less creative of his surprises and sent shorter than usual text messages?
Or had you ever angered him and ended up hearing words you never imagined he was capable of saying to you?
Yes there are those and so much more you didn’t sign up for. But hey, let me ask you again.
Did you turn that vibe around and stayed anyway? Did you instead appreciate the simpler things he continued doing? And when he offended you, did you forgive him?
Well then, you must be in the lasting stage: it’s the person, and not the feeling, that you’re in love with.
I call it ‘lasting’ because this is when it’s enough to fix anything. Worse fights will happen. Unnecessary people will interfere. And there will be mornings when you guys will just get less excited of seeing each other.
Someday you’ll forget how fresh and thrilling love feels like. But even after all those bad days, everything goes back to the person who made you feel. And after a while, that bad day will pass. Today let me assure you, it will.
So try to think again: What builds your happiness? Is it him merely making you happy or is it more because you’re making him happy? The latter is selflessness. That is love.
Note that excitement is temporary. Real love is permanent. It does not come in percentage, it’s just either there or it isn’t.
Because when the time comes that your relationship is the one that’s burning even on the most silent of nights, that’s when it’s worth keeping.
SO, LISTEN TO THIS:
Love not just the feeling. And when it’s a blur, please, remind yourself to continue loving the person anyway.