Anesthesia

Numbness, they say, is an absence of feeling
yet I think it’s an absolute overpowering
like chaos within an external immobilizing
or deafening screams of a mouth. not. disclosing.

Maybe numbness is rationally not recognizing
what we uncontrollably have been feeling
or perhaps a conscious shift of expressing
from crying to yelling. to. actually. breaking.

Numbness is a facade we keep on fabricating
inconsistent to the emotions we are suppressing;
or maybe we ourselves are incapable of identifying
these unruly thoughts we had. long. been. hiding.

How can the ability to feel get tiring
and tiring turn to anesthetizing
what the heart has been demanding
kept secret inside a body. that. stopped. moving.

How I wish the state of being numb really existed
because the truth is, I’m exhausted
of the rage that cannot be defeated
or the love that can never. be. retreated.

And so for some sort of timing, I waited
to finally shout these words I collected.
Maybe it’s better to admit we’re affected?
Yet we cling to the momentary relief of being. numb. instead.

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If I’m rich, which should I buy first – new phone or new life?

2016 was when I struggled the most between being caged and breaking free. The reason? I’m bound by living in the shadow of MONEY, I think we all are.

But it’s inevitable , you see. We are all victims of consumerism  – the belief that it is good for people to spend a lot of money on goods and services. So no matter how much I felt the need to stand by my own ground and decide for myself, I could not because I am not yet a tax-paying income earner. But even those who already are find themselves to be prisoners of dissatisfaction because the truth is, we can never have enough. Reality check, my dear friends – life is a price we have to pay.

Hands down to people who have found self-actualization and contentment in living by the principle: The best things in life are free. But you see, the world is NOT free; we are caged by its selfishness of offering even those we should naturally be receiving – education, home and even love – in exchange for hard-earned cash. This is why people can’t even afford to be truly happy.

What to do about it? This article is not to sugarcoat these bitter facts; because the truth is WE DO NEED MONEY. 2017 should be the year we change our mindset, especially on expense management.  Financial literacy should be the one that’s going viral over the net. Since it isn’t, start with yourself and find a way to improve your spending habits. Personal advice, INVEST on the right pockets.

As for me, I do not wish to get rich to afford a new phone or an epic car – though I’m not crossing them off my list. On the short term, I wish to afford independence and free will to avail a few decisions. Seeking approval is a price too high that doesn’t even let a person actually live his own life.

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